Fush 'n' Chups

A nice little tune I saw on Spare Room that you might like.

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If you’ve found anything on this blog even remotely amusing, do yourself a favour and head over to Kiwianarama.

Aimed at covering the “shit we’re really into”, it’s kind of a Stuff White People Like but applied to New Zealand.

I’ve been pissing myself all afternoon, it is that good.

And, as an added bonus, it appears that the author is a Kiwi (albeit an Aucklander), so nobody can get shirty about it.

Some of the nuggets of insight:

There is no winter in New Zealand, apparently. To admit otherwise, is to admit that this is not the tropical paradise our forebears anticipated when they emigrated here, which conflicts sharply with the Kiwi need for constant, positive reassurance, and is deeply unpatriotic. And probably a little racist.

No, there is definitely no winter here. Why else would New Zealanders live in such airy, uninsulated homes? Or wear jandals to work all year round?

On NZ’s love of the EFTPOS card:

Kiwis are, to this day, fiercely proud of their history with Eftpos, and will defend to the bitter end their right to purchase 25c items without using cash.

And on Trademe:

Kiwis love a bargain. They love a bargain so much, that even the meagre 20 cent price to list an item on eBay seemed like a ‘bloody rip off’. So they invented TradeMe, which was not as fancy, but was marginally cheaper.  Unsurprisingly, it was an instant hit.

And there is heaps more, so check it out.

John Key accepts kava: ‘Hell yeah’

The traditional Samoan kava ceremony held no fears for Prime Minister John Key on his arrival in the Pacific Island nation today.

Asked if he was going to partake ahead of an official meeting with Samoa’s head of state, Tui Atua Tupua Tamasese Efi, Mr Key responded: “Hell yeah.”

Rumours that he spent the rest of the night running around the palace in a Tongan grass skirt with a flower in his hair telling everyone “I love you, maaaan!” are completely unfounded.

I’ve just moved the blog across to wordpress.com. It all seems to have gone smoothly, except quite a few of the images etc from old posts need to be fixed up.

If anyone notices any other issues, email me at fushnchups.blog@gmail.com.

Cheers!

A pretty cool story just popped up on NZ Herald:

Disgraced All Black not expected to return for cap

Disgraced 1970s rugby prop Keith Murdoch is not expected to return to New Zealand to receive his All Blacks cap, his brother says.

Murdoch has lived in self-imposed exile in the Australian outback since being engulfed by a media storm when he punched a security guard in a Cardiff hotel during the 1972-3 tour of Britain.

The late-night incident came just hours after the Otago prop had scored the All Blacks’ only try in their 19-16 win over Wales at Cardiff Arms Park.

Murdoch was sent home but did not make it back to New Zealand, stopping in Australia, where he has lived since.

When I read “disgraced” I thought he must have done something pretty bad, Matty Johns or Greg Bird style.

But all he did was have a few drinks and snot a bouncer.

“Disgraced” is a bit strong isn’t it?

It’s funny how times change. What he got up to would count as a pretty quiet night out for most rugby types nowadays, and is probably including in the training schedule of most NRL players.

So in the end it sounds like he gave the two fingered salute to the rugby establishment, and went bush in Australia. He didn’t even make it back to NZ after being sent home.

Wikipedia sheds a bit more light:

Murdoch’s career ended controversially and mysteriously. He scored the All Blacks’ only try in their 1972 win against Wales in Cardiff, but later the same night was involved in a fracas and was sent home from the tour by All Black management, reputedly after pressure was brought to bear by the home rugby unions. Rather than returning to rugby in New Zealand, Murdoch virtually went into hiding, quitting his home and his sport and moving to the Australian outback where he has lived ever since.

So anyway, good on ya Keith. Hope you’re enjoying life, wherever you are. And if you’re ever looking for a job, don’t think your track record would stand in your way of working with any league team nowadays.

This was something I was having a good whinge about last night, and then I was happy to see it was picked up in the Blog Idle blog this morning.

And then, wouldn’t ya know it, the ads have been pulled (though they still seem to be running tonight).

“We have learned in that period that vowels are extremely important to New Zealanders.” said TVNZ spokeswoman Megan Richards

True story :-)

Anyway, pretty soft by TVNZ, but still, I think it’s a good thing. It’s about time standards were raised a bit.

I mean, if our children aren’t learning to speak more better English from the TV set, where on earth are they going to learn it?

Finally, apropos of the image above, I’m after opinions to settle a disagreement.

I think Shanti’s been a bit of a shrew over the last few weeks. My better half thinks Scotty’s been a complete prick.

Who’s right?

And they say there’s a credit crunch…

Not at Westpac New Zealand, as it turns out.

As most of your have probably heard, a couple from Rotorua applied for a $100,000 overdraft, and ended up with $10 million accidentally deposited into their account.

And now they’ve withdrawn a fair chunk of it and have nicked off to China.

Would have loved to have seen their reaction when they looked at their account balance

Would have REALLY loved to see the reaction of the person responsible for getting the decimal place in the wrong spot. Can you imagine?

Apparently the person responsible is currently undergoing counselling (true story). I actually feel sorry for them – surely banks have some sort of process in place to double-check transfers for such a large amount?

And to make it even worse, one of the fugitives is continuing to updated their Facebook page, detailing what they’re up to (drinking beer and chilling out mainly).

It’s a bit like Dumb & Dumber on the run. Hope they enjoy it while it lasts, because I certainly wouldn’t want ten million bucks on my head :-)

What would you do in their situation? Buy diamonds and/or gold and get a safety deposit box? Head to Mexico? Try to put it in a Swiss bank account?

Anyway, I’m off to apply for a loan at my local Westpac.

Advice to live by in New Zealand, courtesy of The Onion.

• Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, “I told you so.”
• To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.
• Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive. During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.
• Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.
• Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.
• Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear? Well, let’s see Mr. Bear help you now.
• For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.
• A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.
• Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.
• In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.
• If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

I’d also add to that list:

• Don’t live in Gisborne. The place never stops shaking.
• Don’t freak out about an earthquake if you’re an immigrant. You’ll get laughed at by the locals. Kind of like Australians laugh at people the first time they survive a shark attack or a crocodile chasing them.
• Just because they’re supposedly “once in 100 year earthquakes” doesn’t mean they can’t happen tomorrow.

Finally, a handy resource. If it gets above green where you live, get outside immediately.