Fush 'n' Chups

And they say there’s a credit crunch…

Not at Westpac New Zealand, as it turns out.

As most of your have probably heard, a couple from Rotorua applied for a $100,000 overdraft, and ended up with $10 million accidentally deposited into their account.

And now they’ve withdrawn a fair chunk of it and have nicked off to China.

Would have loved to have seen their reaction when they looked at their account balance

Would have REALLY loved to see the reaction of the person responsible for getting the decimal place in the wrong spot. Can you imagine?

Apparently the person responsible is currently undergoing counselling (true story). I actually feel sorry for them – surely banks have some sort of process in place to double-check transfers for such a large amount?

And to make it even worse, one of the fugitives is continuing to updated their Facebook page, detailing what they’re up to (drinking beer and chilling out mainly).

It’s a bit like Dumb & Dumber on the run. Hope they enjoy it while it lasts, because I certainly wouldn’t want ten million bucks on my head :-)

What would you do in their situation? Buy diamonds and/or gold and get a safety deposit box? Head to Mexico? Try to put it in a Swiss bank account?

Anyway, I’m off to apply for a loan at my local Westpac.

Advice to live by in New Zealand, courtesy of The Onion.

• Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, “I told you so.”
• To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.
• Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive. During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.
• Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.
• Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.
• Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear? Well, let’s see Mr. Bear help you now.
• For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.
• A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.
• Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.
• In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.
• If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

I’d also add to that list:

• Don’t live in Gisborne. The place never stops shaking.
• Don’t freak out about an earthquake if you’re an immigrant. You’ll get laughed at by the locals. Kind of like Australians laugh at people the first time they survive a shark attack or a crocodile chasing them.
• Just because they’re supposedly “once in 100 year earthquakes” doesn’t mean they can’t happen tomorrow.

Finally, a handy resource. If it gets above green where you live, get outside immediately.

Who is this twat who won Eurovision?

I know the Finns were probably busy, but surely we could of lined up Dave Dobbyn to go over and represent NZ? Did NZ even have an entry?

As it happens, I watched Footrot Flats again last night. Almost remembered it line-for-line from my younger days.

Cheeky Hobson hasn’t aged well though, sadly.

Anyway, tell me this couldn’t sway the Eurovision judges.

The financial year for personal income tax finished on 31st of March in NZ. Not that’d you’d know it.

There are no payment summaries from employers, no group certificates, and really it just goes by unmentioned and unacknowledged.

Also, filing a personal income tax return is completely optional.

What is this? A ploy by the Inland Revenue Department to boost their tax taking due to people’s apathy and/or ignorance?

I don’t want to turn this into an Aus vs. NZ thing, because it’s not. I know other countries make it optional to file tax returns. But I’ve lived in Australia for my entire life minus two years, so it’s my only point of reference.

In Australia, come the end of the financial year (30th June), you will soon after receive a summary of your payments from each of your employers for the previous financial year. And then you must file a tax return. Everybody. Therefore you find out exactly where you stand, whether you are owed moned from the tax office, of whether you owe money.

It’s a pain, but it’s accurate.

But here in NZ, it seems like you take your chances.

Do I simply not file a tax return, thinking that I probably won’t get anything back? Or do I employ the services of an accountant, hoping to claw back some cash?

(Yes I know you can do the returns yourself, but compared the NZ forms, the Australian Taxation Office ones are a piece of piss.)

In a nutshell, I’m not sure I’m a fan of optional tax returns. They can’t be accurate. Hence the IRD needing to publish an annual list of people who are owed money. At least it’s something, I guess.