Firstly I just want to get something out of the way: the New Zealand Prime Minister, John Key, is a visionary and a genius.
(Australians: Yep that’s right, Helen Clark’s no longer the NZ PM. Yeah I know, we liked her, didn’t we? Especially whenever she sledged John Howard. But she was in office for a while, so voters over here decided to give a new bloke a go. And he’s pretty cool. He’s already mates with K-Rudd. Kevin signed the plaster cast on Key’s broken arm and everything. Rumour has it that Kevin wrote “Hey John, say fish and chips again! Haha!”. Key was so impressed he auctioned the cast online (once it was removed) and got $18,500 for it. True story.)
John Key is the type of guy who, if you put him alone in a room with a scrambled Rubik’s Cube, three minutes later he’d come out with it solved.
Apparently in his university days, he solve his professors’ unfinished equations, Will Hunting style.
I also have it on good authority that he is a man you do NOT want to play a game of Scrabble against.
Waiting for John to finish reading the newspaper so you can do the cryptic crossword? Sorry, you’re out of luck my friend. He will have already done it, with one eye on the sports section.
You get the idea.
What good would a NZ PM be without a herd of sheep?
As an example of John Key’s brilliance, consider his reponse to the global economic crisis which he had to deal with soon after taking office. With leaders around the world scurrying to introduce bail-outs, nationalise banks, and generally shitting themselves, what does Key do?
He announces that he’s going to build a bike track.
Just let that sink in for a minute.
How is that for some lateral thinking folks?
You couldn’t even say that was from left field. That’s some zen-like Yoda-style wisdom right there guys.
Rudd had to drop AU$42 billion on a national broadband network just to try to outdo the guy.
And so that brings me to the point of this post. One of Key’s stated aims at last year’s election was to stem the flow of Kiwis to Australia, and hopefully try to lure a few expats back to NZ as well.
However, since the election there hasn’t been a lot of talk about how this is going to be achieved. But that’s no big deal, election promises are made to be broken, right? Maybe it was a “non-core” promise, John Howard style.
If you thought this, then you would be wrong, way wrong. John Key’s already six steps ahead of everyone.
What is the one thing that Australia doesn’t have that could be attractive to some of NZ’s best and brightest?
Key announced a couple of months ago that his government was going to re-introduce the titular system that was previously abolished by Helen Clark’s mob when they were elected.
It might have seemed like Key was just some mad monarchist pining for the good ol’ days of British colonialism, but no, this bloke knows all about cause and effect and the like.
The thing is, when he said he wanted to lure back expat Kiwis, he didn’t say which ones. He doesn’t want the ones sitting on Bondi beach being sponsored by the Kevin Rudd surf team. No, he wants the high-fliers, the luminaries, the ones that have done New Zealand proud on the world stage. Think Peter Jackson, the guys from Flight of the Conchords, John Clarke, or anyone from the Finn family.
What could appeal to voters enrich the culture of New Zealand more than to have these high-achievers back living and working in NZ?
In a word: brilliant.
It also got me to thinking, this is a pretty small place, population-wise. Surely the odds of one getting tapped for one of these honours has to be better than just about anywhere else. Which means, if I hang around for another year or so, and become a citizen, I’ll be eligible. All that remains would be to do something vaguely notable.
Has a blogger ever been knighted?
ausois said
Absolutely wh^*king brilliant, I’m coming back even though I haven’t even yet been noticed in my adopted home – Oz. I should be able to be noticed in NZ, Admin is right. I can’t wait to be Knighted. I’m busting!!
On a more serious note, NZ could set up a fully-fledged “Citizenship and Knighthood” package for Aussie NOBS, say two years in the Land of the Long White Cloud and you “get the lot” for an easy down payment of say $10 million. What a bargain and Toorak, Point Piper, Double Bay,
Mosman and other NOB suburbs would emptied so Kiwis looking for low cost housing could move across the Tasman and hose in!!
Only thing it is not a real deal Knighthood, that was actually done away with in 1996 by Jim Bolger … ie. not Knight of the Garter and alike. John Key’s genius Knighthood is “Knight of Companion of the Order of NZ or alike …. and ultimately wouldn’t cut the mustard for those NOBBY Aussies looking for too obviously an El Cheapo Knighthood. Might have to move to England after all and would cost too much.
Too bad, was a good idea for a while wasn’t it?
Mike said
Knighthoods? Hah, what a backward step
admin said
Mike, that’s a very skeptical point of view.
I’ve clearly explained the advantages of its reintroduction, and ausois even outlined the added advantage of possibly luring all the old-money families from the well-to-do suburbs in Aus.
Although I must admit is is a tad disappointing that these knighthoods don’t sound like they’re the real McCoy, so to speak. In NZ terms, they sound like Pak ‘n’ Save rather than New World knighthoods. Shame.
ausois said
I wasn’t aware but John Howard missed out on an Imperial Knighthood – the top one – the Garter, only last year. He may get another crack who knows? Link below:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/world/384543
Also the former Liberal/Natonal Govt in Australia under the same JH discussed reintroducing Knighthoods from 1996 on but abandoned the idea after the Republic referendum in 1999 it seems. Would seem dead in the water by now in Australia at least.
As for NZ, we Britishly stick to Knighthoods, Guy Fawkes Night and other colonial hangovers. Being small must lend to more nostalgia I guess.
Matt said
Take away your often complete ignorance and you posts are mostly fairly witty, if a little too easy.
i.e ‘AU$42 billion on broadband roll out’
Key announced NZ’s broadband roll out (which is fundamentally the same as the Aus one) before Rudd.
I guess you can say he one-up’d him on that…
Ken said
Bolger New Zealand-ised Knighthoods and Damehoods in 1996 – KNZM and DNZM. The Aussie equivalents, AK and AD, were scrapped in 1986, only a dozen people got them and most of them are dead.
If you want ‘colonial hangovers’, get this: ACT New Zealand (one of the junior partners in government) wants to bring back appeals to the Privy Council, five years after the country finally got rid of them.
Mike said
Hi admin :-)
Skeptical? No
True, yes.
Its a very backward step.
LOL if you think it will attract anybody except tossers who think titles matter.
Sorry but its a very insular move.
A big cringe from me.
ausois said
Mike are you thick or something, everyone is taking the piss. Read a few other blog topics to hopefully workout it is (nearly) all a pisstake!!
mike said
No mate I’m not, a pisstake on this is just bending over.
Sorry but NZ has been castrated for quite a few years now.
Please don’t tell me what to do, whilst your bending over to take it. ;-)
NLP Counsellor said
What an excellent blog, I’ve added your feed to my RSS reader. :-)
Mike Quinn said
there is no such thing as a herd of sheep you strange interbred Tasmanian
admin said
Mike,
What do you call them? A harem?
Mike Quinn said
what do you call a sheep in long grass (excellent)
Mike Quinn said
something to do with procol isn’t it