You forgot the hops, bro.

An open letter to all New Zealand Breweries.

Dear Brewers,

There are four ingredients in beer: water, malted barley, hops, and yeast.

Sure, some of you, especially the bigger operations, probably add a whole bunch of preservatives and other additives that I’d rather remain ignorant of, but basic beer brewing requires just those four things.

Water, malted barley, hops, and yeast.

Notice anything?

No? Then let me point it out to you.

HOPS.

Please use some.

Regards,

Fush ‘n’ Chups Admin

NZ beer reviews coming soon.

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109 Comments

  1. Al said

    Thankfully I can generally still get Coopers Pale, Boags & Cascade Premium over here at reasonable prices :-)

  2. Shane said

    Try Macs Sassy Red and be prepared to be impressed. Ive been to Perth 9 times over the last 2 decades and tried all sorts of Aussie beers. Both NZ and Aussie have good and bad beers.

  3. Ryan said

    I’d say try the hoppy beers like Hop Rocker from Macs maybe?
    Monteiths Pilsener, Emersons Pale Ale, and a few other are very good.
    I don’t know which Australian beers you are basing your comparison on as most East Coast Mainstream beers from Aussie have far worse problems.

  4. Jake said

    Hey there, found your website from news.com.au slating you guys. Fuck ‘em. I’m another ‘rude’ overseas blogger, and the idea that people like major news networks and even the head of NZ Tourism is getting their knickers in a twist over a fucking blog is nuts!

    I’m currently going through Hong Kong now if you’re at all interested in seeing a fellow Australian’s blog in other destinations, and have ‘great’ times and joking about it.

    In short, fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

  5. Jake said

    Pah sorry, my link on the previous comment sucks.

    Oh and Aussie bear, fuck yeah, Tsing Dao? Fuck no!

  6. chris said

    Typical Australian arrogance from the nation who came up with Fosters lager (surely an oxymoron and invented by a poxy moron).
    I’m a pom living in Melbourne and the best beer I’ve tasted down this way was in Auckland – Galbraith’s Bitter and Twisted knocks pretty much everything else I’ve tasted into a cocked hat.
    So here’s ‘up yours’ Feesh and Cheeps Admeen.

  7. Observer said

    Hmm, interesting observation about hops. You do know that some of the worlds best hops are grown in and around Nelson? I think NZ beers on the whole ar elot more exciting and interesting then the bitters that pass as beer in NSW, Vic and Qld.

  8. Nic said

    As a kiwi abroad, i love your blog, it helps me remember why I’m not living in NZ. Nice one bro.

  9. Supasuz said

    Yup, I hate DB Breweries. And I am a Kiwi. Good on ya!
    (There are plenty of good beers here BTW)

  10. Scott said

    would it help if we stuck a general “O” in it and call it beer’O’ …. would you understand then? … you could buy it from the bottle ‘o’ next to mac’o’s, across the road from the serv’o’, and take it home in your “iskey!!!

  11. Al said

    Yep Epic’s a ripper, one of the delightful exceptions (FYI my post was talking about the major-brewery swill).

  12. Al said

    I think we Kiwis are a little too sensitive…(reference your site making news today) Need to get the same level of passion about the things that really matter… Well done for uniting the Kiwi public! :-)

  13. Silverfern said

    These blogs crack me up, you know even today Austrailians always try and take whats not theres (pavalova,Phar lap etc),they cant help being this way having ancestors that were prisoners of England you have no culture no pride .Just dont come to N.Z we dont need lowlife ,bigmouth and incredably lazy people like yous here.
    Our beer is one of the best in the world unlike the aussie brews that have you sitting on the bog in the morning with the shits…

  14. Dan said

    I guess you’ve not had a decent look around at Kiwi beers.
    If it’s hops you’re after, try the award-winning Epic Pale Ale : http://www.epicbeer.com/

  15. InOz(unfortunately) said

    er, xxxx beer? need I say more?

  16. Malaysian in Auckland said

    Pathetic aussies making untrue and absolutely crap comments here! Breweries in NZ is producing some of the best beer in the world!!! Perhaps these crap aussies should just go back to Oz and shut their f*ck up!!! Shove their mouth into a donkey’s ass or watever! Just go off if you don’t like NZ!! Not that ppl in NZ wants you here anyway!

  17. Ni Ni Ni in NZ said

    Been around the world. Oz beers are 100% tinned piss. US “common” beers like Coors, Budweiser are only very marginally better. A handful of US beers are fantastic. NZ beers – mostly tinned piss (esp Tui and similar). Two that are drinkable (so far): Speights and Monteiths.
    NZ and Oz wines – are piss and way overrated.

  18. David said

    Ha ha ha ha what a crack up! No I don’t take your blog seriously. It’s a big load of bullshit but it’s funny. however I am wondering why you are here if you don’t like the place. But hey why should I care just keep the blogs coming they are real entertaining. Oh and since Australia is our biggest trading partner where do you think we send most of the sheep we have shagged? Just something for you Aussies to think about. And sorry but our beers (except maybe DB and Lion Red) are way better than yours. Try Macs.

  19. Aucklander said

    I agree with you about Auckland, I agree with you about Kiwi beer (I find it very similar to Aussie beer). You can have Phar Lap and Pav I will forgive you anything JUST DON”T THREATEN ME WITH RUSSELL CROWE – He is Australia’s now and we don’t want him back !!!

  20. Billy_t said

    There’s plenty of good beers starting to pop up in NZ, just as Aust is also starting to get a few good brews. DB, Speights, Tui and the other generic Kiwi beers are horse piss. Just like XXXX, VB etc.

    Oh, and to that seppo who posted above there’s plenty of shit beer in the States. Anyone for Colt 45? “It gets the job done”. Yeah. Like your federal reserve does. Wankers.

    Anyway, get some Emersons or Three Boys into you. It’s real good.

  21. Ha ha ha – great post. Although, to be fair the standard Kiwi beers are as shite as the bulk standard in Aussie, USA, Asia, UK … bulk standard is generally crap.

    You need an Epic Pale Ale my son (brewed up your way) which has FIFTEEN hops PER BOTTLE: http://www.epicbeer.com

  22. Sarah said

    You guys really are hilarious. Aussie beer has to be the shittiest tasting shit ever bottled and New Zealand beer rated some of the world’s finest yet you come over from your shitty little town, drink our beer and complain about it??? Do you brew beer do you in your spare time? Maybe it was just missing a little bit of shit, you might’ve liked it better then. Pompous, small minded idiots. New Zealand beer shits on yours any day.

  23. Cath Carlsen said

    Guys..love the site and the fact that you have made Herald.co.nz news. We Kiwis are not a bunch that take things light hearted. Were proud of our country. But sometimes we do need to take a step back and not get so offended. Now that your the talk of town, as a Kiwi currently living in Aussie I think I’m entitled to have a bitch and moan about living here.
    Firstly, who has ever found a good Aussie wine when the shelves are stacked with fantastic NZ Pinots and Savs… Secondly, at least the NZ Police Force can handle security at our Airports….ahem unlike those in Sydney. Thirdly, I look forward to hearing the day when Aussie comes through with some amazing local music that doesn’t cause John Butler to leave behind his Trio. There you have it. A full unedited copy can easily be provided. Life in Aussie is bliss. But every country has it’s pros and cons.

  24. Kiwi to Be said

    For some real beer you should try Dutch beer ;-)

  25. Barry said

    Be nice if you compared apples with apples. Yes the swill that Lion Nathan and DB produce is tasteless and watery. As is the swill produced by their Australian counterparts in similar massive lager factories.

    But, Australia has a growing number of small breweries making some fabulous flavoursome beer and a thriving amateur brewing scene. AS DO WE.

  26. Daz said

    Our beer is better than the slop you fuckin drongos cook up. Fuck, I could go for a steiny right now. Fosters tastes like stale crackers and used bath water.

  27. Beer, beer, glorious beer.

    Found some Coopers Extra Strong Vintage Ale in Christchurch last week, and am I enjoying it. Of course, at 7.5% alc there isn’t a kiwi who’s old enough to handle it.

    Not telling where I bought it, as I want more next payday.

  28. Steve said

    Right on. DB and most commercial NZ beers are insipid muck, relying on advertising to gain sales.
    There are few, far too few, good NZ beers. Epic and Mayhem would blow your hops off.

  29. nik said

    Ha! The really funny thing is most of the Aussie breweries are NZ owned.

  30. MACCO said

    As you correctly point out, water is used in beer brewing. Thats why Aussie beer hasn’t a future. Australia is already a hot and dry place, and as the CSIRO report to the Govt advises, its getting hotter and much drier, and will eventually be a dustbowl continent like Africa. NZ, on the other hand, is getting conveniently a bit warmer but no less wet, so if you want to keep making beer to quell that incresing dust induced thirst, you’ll have to be importing water from us. $$$$. Unless you work out how to make beer out of salt water of course, many kiwis would argue it wouldn’t taste any worse than VB or Castlemain XXXX.

  31. Marco said

    I’ll be honest – neither Australians nor Kiwis have a clue how to make (mainstream) beer or how to create a decent pub to drink it in.
    The Brits and the Paddys have you all licked, as do the Germans and the Dutch.
    Your pubs are like spit & sawdust working class drinking dens. Where are the family pubs with gardens for the children and comfortable seats? Good food (not blasted pies all the time!!) and a pleasant environment.
    A network of public footpaths across the countryside for Sunday walks to the pub with the family and the dog would be nice too!!

  32. drat said

    “For some real beer you should try Dutch beer ;-)”

    I suggeast you check DB’s parentage then.

  33. Rick said

    I bet you’re a Coopers Green drinker. Watery flavourless piss.

  34. True kiwi joker said

    I see the funny side of this site and everything, I’m not some reactionary knob who can’t take a joke like many of those Aucklanders.

    But knocking our beer is really the pot calling the kettle black. The best you can come up with is Coopers, and that’s really shyte. I’ve drunk these so-called micro-brewed gourmet Aussie beers (like this ‘redback’) and they’re also shyte.

    And yes I know good beer, I’ve done many an oddysey to the Czech republic and Bavaria. I know great beers from everywhere. Aussie beer in general is second worst after China.

    Sorry, but as average as it is, neither you nor any other ocker can knock our beer,

  35. Jason Loves Kiwi's Bro said

    Everyone should calm down about this topic. I took a vote in Center Link Perth last Thursday and 33 of 46 Kiwi’s thought Kiwi beer was “tops Bro”. The other 13 were to stoned and paranoid to answer and thought I was from immigration asking to see their working visas and handed themselves in to me. Of the 46 Kiwi Bro’s 28 of them were wearing short trousers…funny that.

  36. Aussie and proud said

    Did everyone miss the part where they say their from Tasmania!
    Please don’t put all aussies in the same basket, most Australians have a great respect for New Zealanders and as for Phar Lap, who gives a shit who owns him, its the yanks that killed him!

  37. Mike said

    Don’t we own half of your beers anyway heres a list that lion nathan own.

    Tooheys
    xxxx
    hahn
    J.Boag & son
    West end
    Swan
    Emu
    James squire
    Knappstein

    So just remember when you neck your next aussie shit house beer. We (Lion Nathan) probably own it!!

  38. flammenwerfer said

    A German bloke knocking NZ beer, I could handle, fair enough he would know, BUT an Australian? hahahahaha – thats rich.

  39. Expat Kiwi said

    May I remind you that you are a citizen of the country responsible for Fosters.

  40. Clairzilla said

    There’s a general store in Franz Josef where we found a 6-pack of VB for $NZ9… That’s cheaper than in Aussie. BTW, the beer does suck, we sampled all of them and settled for Irish pubs wherever we went. Just as well there are many, although Murphy’s in Christchurch was a bit stale smelling. By far the best one was Pog Mahones in Queenstown. Love how Ted from Outrageous Fortune is the Speights guy… pity the beer is shit. For the record, Fosters and XXXX is also shit, so I’m not anti-Kiwi, I prefer Montana Sav Blanc anyway.

  41. dave f said

    if nz could get as worked up about our lame public transport and rising violence as they can about beer criticism itd be a gd start

  42. Ally said

    well, to be honest, what you have said about DB is correct. One of the ONLY beers worth drinking here is speights.

  43. Kai said

    Mike is right, get Epic and you’ll be find. In general – get German beer, it’s the only real one anyway. BTW – your blog is really interesting, a bunch of things ARE quite true and could probably just be seen by someone who have lived overseas or is a migrant (as I am).

  44. Candice said

    Well, I think I see your problem.

    You’re drinking DB! but then, you are from Aus, how on earth would you be able to tell a decent beer?

    To start with, try anything else…

  45. AussieDAve said

    Hey it even made the paper over here…the Gold Coast Bulletin in Oz! Just had a read through your blog, bloody hilarious…I lived in NZ for 3 years and married a kiwi, some can take a joke, some can’t. The funny thing is, a lot of the agro comments on here seem to come from Pommies! lol

  46. johnboy said

    Mate as a migrant to this fine country some 13 years ago from bonnie Scotland all i can say to all Kiwis is sit back laugh at yourselfs get a personality transplant. NZ beer is crap in general as is Assie beer but hey life is a blast and enjoy. Enough of this aggression you wardrope hardmen, this Aussie has a sense of humour (good one keep up the blog).

  47. Tudz said

    How do Kiwis spell beer…..B E E R

    How do Aussies spell beer…X X X X

    Need I say more!

  48. Subrew said

    All megaswill beer is crap the world over, Aus, NZ, US, UK… all they same just a diiferent bottle.

    But you can’t knock NZ hops! Some of the best in the world… what has the Aussies got to hop with? The dreaded Pride of Ringwood… purlease :-)

  49. Brian said

    Anyone who drinks the main NZ beers is mad. They are RUBBISH. Sugar and water mixed together. And that is from a lifelong KIWI. Love your blog. So TRUE!

  50. Mike said

    Fair go – you people produce the s….t called Fosters & Tooheys & XXXX and you havee th cheek to have a go at our beer!

  51. Sackster said

    Who ever would have thought a little comment on the standard of New Zealands beer would cause such fervour. I’m a Kiwi who loves his beer, as a young fella would drink nothing but lion red. O.K I was young and stupid, in my world travels i learnt to appreciate GOOD beer, and unfortunately no major brewery mass produced crap does it for me. I love a monteiths original, in my opinion the best beer I’v e ever had, and really enjoying Steinlager pure, finally they’ve got it right at steinlager HQ.

  52. taleim said

    I don’t think any kiwi serious about beer would debate that tui, db, export gold, speights etc is anything but fizzy malt water. But we do have some tremendous beers, such as epic, moa, three boys, emersons etc. But the major breweries do suck (although steinlager pure and speights summit aren’t bad)

  53. Hadyn said

    You may want to take a look at this site http://www.lion-nathan.com.au/Great-Brands/AUS-Beer.aspx – we make a large amount ofthe Australian beers oh and lest I forget http://www.dbbreweries.co.nz/OurProducts/BrandsAtoZ/AllBrands.aspx more of the beers you drink and please don’t mention the words ‘real Aussie beer’ as you guys barely have any.

  54. David Thompson said

    I seriously considered moving to Aussie – great climate, friendly people, better wages etc, so I took an exploratory trip across the ditch. The taxi driver was awesome, the people in the pizza parlour made stunning pizzas and welcomed me to Aussie, the evening was balmy and the women were beautiful. Ahh thinks me, I have come to heaven. Aussie really is the place for me. As is my way I found a bar to celebrate my luck in living so close to such a fine country, and ordered a beer.

    The friendly barman poured me what looked like a lager, and with my throat as dry as a McKenzie Country summer I lifted the ice cold glass to my lips and poured the golden liquid down my throat, expecting the taste explosion and instant refreshment that only beer can offer.

    It was cold, it was bubbly and it was slightly sweet, so I passed it back to the barman and reaffirmed that I would like a cold beer, not lemonade. He looked a little affronted, shrugged and repeated the process. This time I knew I would be happy, but sadly I was wrong.

    Again and again I tried the beers behind the counter and again and again I found them to be cold, bubbly and bland. Eventually I sighted a Steinlager (a very ordinary beer by Kiwi standards), and finally I was able to quench my thirst in the manner I prefer.

    Today I still live in NZ, and even with winter on our doorsteps and recession making an unwelcome presence here on the shaky isles, here I will stay. At least I know that no matter how bad things get I will at least be able to drink beer, and beer makes anything seem better.

  55. Jack said

    Mate I roam all over this magnificent country and I’ve thought of places exactly the same you mention here, In all honesty so have others so thanks for the honesty buddy and I don’t drink, I gave up the Jake the Muss ways a long time ago, Kia Ora Ehoa

  56. Stu said

    Double Brown is a full flavoured naturally fermented bitter beer with a distinctive malty character.

  57. Baz said

    Everything you say is true. NZ hasn’t had hops in a brew for over 150 years.

  58. hmmmm said

    Yet another punt for Epic from the guys at Epic….

  59. Mark said

    Without arguing the merits of the call on the lack of hops in kiwi beers, if hops are what you want there is always:

    http://www.epicbeer.co.nz

  60. cari said

    Reading the blog and comments is v. entertaining-keep it up.
    Moved here 3y ago and it’s great to be reminded of all the differences.

  61. Deshaz.. said

    Steinlager Pure for the win!
    XXXX = rubbish.. VB = garbage.. Fosters = trash.. Tooheys = absolute shite!

  62. American expat said

    Ok, the beer is shit here, but so is OZ beer. Germans have the beer dept hands down. Now there are some excellent wines here and in OZ. So, as long as I get drunk on the wine, I can stomach the beer…. :)

  63. Bonux said

    My favourites beers are Denish for the laggers, Belgian for the Ales (try “Mort Subite” sudden death) but that is not the point.
    As a migrant, I love both your countries: your beers are shite, your pavlova is Russian, your women are men, your men are women, your sheeps are sex toys, your dryers have kids inside, but who cares? It feels like no other place on Earth. While my experience down under taught me how to truely appreciate the great taste of an authentic Turkish kebbab, it also left me with many unanswered questions about your cultural identity. Why do the local kebbabs in Sydney and Auckland play Barry White music in the background? Why did Steve Irwin go for a swim in the ocean wearing green camo shorts? Was it a fashion statement? Was he searching for the perfect kebbab? Do stingrays like kebbabs more than we do? Can a fish appreciate fashion when it takes the shape of a floating kebbab? This is why Australia and New Zealand are truely unique. This is a vast hole in the knowledge of mankind. So far, I have only three certainties:
    1/ stingrays are not colour blind;
    2/ Aussies and Kiwis like wearing shorts under any circunstances;
    3/ don’t play with your food.

  64. Charles from nz said

    ive lived in nz and Perth. 45 bucks for 24 pack VB, carltons or too hees…. you ozzies are dreaming… Mate wake up, 18 bucks 24 tuis or export gold from pak n save… Reason enough for moving here.

  65. Gavin said

    Can someone recommend a good Aussie beer? Have tried many and can’t say I’m impressed yet. Have an open mind though.

    Certainly nothing that tops Macs Gold!

  66. Berwyck in Melbourne said

    Just because NZ beer doesn’t used Pride of Ringwood doesn’t make it rubbish. Go try some Tuatara, had it last time I was over, loved the stuff.

  67. Onekiwichick said

    Since when is taking the pssss out of kiwis funny we like you value and love our home. When in Rome or NZ Shut up. If you want to have a blog write things that are positive instead of negative. Take your sense of humour and go home. Last thing we need is two of aussies, go back and stay home in Aussie since its the best place (you think). Surprised you even came accross the ditch. We kiwis have a sense of humour but get really tired of dicks from accross the ditch taking the mickey. Take the mickey out of where you come from first. Dont expect us to understand your sense of humour let alone your accent. Go back and rattle your own daggs in your own home. We have too many aussies here bludgeoning off us. At least when kiwis go across the ditch we improve the IQ of your country.

    KiwiChick NZ

  68. Hi folks. I see you’re getting some stick from humourless Kiwis. I’m on your side in almost every respect, and I’ll say why on Grumpy Old Geezers (www.gog.org.nz)this weekend. And, by the look of it, you may live just around the corner from us…
    Brian Mackie, GoG

  69. Ship Fincier said

    Ut’s KIA Ora Bro. (Nut KAI)

    You can’t spull eh!

    Bomber, Choice.

  70. Paulalala said

    It so tragic all this poison spewed on this site. As an English person, who lived many years in NZ and now live in oz, the most irritating thing was the defensiveness of nz’ers of anything Australian.Gosh it got on my breast plate. For goodness sake, you can’t compare the two places, they are just very different!

  71. garumph said

    The phrase “swings and roundabouts” comes to mind while reading these comments.

    As an Aussie, I don’t mind the Monteith’s Summer Ale. Quite nice brew. Best local beer I’ve had is the Red Hill Christmas Ale. http://www.redhillbrewery.com.au (You may see a pattern here). To add a bit of mature reason to this debate, not many of the smaller NZ breweries can get shelf space in Oz shops/bars/pubs due to Fosters’ overwhelming market share.

    Dan and Mike Riversdale: if I could make sense of the Epic Beer website, I’d be interested. :^)

  72. John said

    Our fush and chups taste miles better than your feesh and cheeps, lol.

  73. cam said

    Agreed our beer is shit! Slightly better then the brown water the serve in Aus but shit none the less. Aussies now how to POUR a beer at least! KIWI PUBS I WANT A FRESH, CLEAN, COLD GLASS FOR EVERY BEER!!!!

  74. William said

    Well, yes. But that’s why some of the stuff’s called Export. No bugger here will drink it.

  75. The OWD said

    Everybody knows that Oz and NZ beer is what it is intended for. To quench the thirst. Nothing more. If you want real beer, go to Europe. In NZ I tend to drink Heineken. If Im cheap, tui or speights will do. speights gold ok, but seriously nothing compares to Dutch beer

  76. Patriotic Kiwi said

    You know in Australia they say they call it XXXX cos queenslanders can’t spell beer, I guess they can’t bloody brew it either. However I have had the odd good pint in the land of Oz and if I hadn’t made the effort to search further than 4x and Tooheys new I might not have had the opportunity. DB aint the only company making beer in New Zealand, although they do make Tui which is my personal cheap ass beer of choice. But if you want to have a good quality beer in NZ open your wallet a little wider and buy a box of Macs or Monteiths or maybe even visit one of the hiundreds of micro breweries around New Zealand (The Dux Deluxe is a good start if you ever find yourself in Christchurch)

  77. Patriotic Kiwi said

    Oh and might I also mention Steinlager, you know, that beer that gets exported ALL OVER THE WORLD… Where do they brew that again???

  78. Oz in Auckland said

    One beer will fix this daft misconception “Epic Pale Ale”. Spoken as a beer lover who happens to be an Aussie living in Auckland. All these narrow minded plokers should go and buy some.

    Look past the mainstream shite from both countries and realise that life is too short for bad beverages.

  79. Phil said

    I think all this is very funny… Aussies pull the piss out of themselves all the time.. What’s the great Aussie dream? To see a Pom with a kiwi under each arm swimming out of the heads to who cares…. hehehehe As far as the beer goes I have all NZ beers that I have ever tasted and I hate most of the Aussie brews too. (I do enjoy a cold XXXX Gold from the tap from time to time). I started brewing my own years ago as I prefer mine to the preservative added crap on the market. I must say though… NZ beer is way better than that American Flavoured Water that they pass off as beer!

  80. Renz said

    Im originally from Queenbeyan NSW and have been living in NZ for 4years now, my favotite beer is Steinlager. unfortunatly bloggers you got it wrong with this one. NZ beer is one of the best in the world in fact it makes the Aussie beer taste like water!

    Honest but Modest,
    and a true beer lover.

  81. hermes said

    check out Moa beer or Green Man Organic beer.

    I hope you are not comparing our beer to Fosters or XXXX–which is lolly water and really thin.

    PS I do not have to try ” getting over myself” here—just pre-empting the usual response.

  82. tyrrell said

    Check out Epic Armageddon – it’s a total hop blast, if you can get it, or any of the Epic beers. My mate in Melbourne says he can get Emersons, another good hoppy NZ beer. I agree with you the commercial NZ beers are utter crap, I wouldn’t even marinate my (lamb) sausages in them. Mind you – can’t say many aussie beers (read lager) are any better. That carlton cold shite tastes like it came out the back end of a dehydrated wombat. ;-)
    Great blog – doesn’t offend me, I just think its funny. I’m always amused by aussies that are fascinated with all things kiwi.
    You’re welcome anytime here bro, and I’ll get a some decent beer down you. cheers
    ;-)

  83. Bern said

    When I was living in London I was constantly amazed at how the aussie girls could drink the aussie boys under the table. It was quite remarkable to watch. I even felt a bit sorry for the poor buggers. We use to discuss it at length more so because of the entertainment value we kiwi’s got from it.

    What was also sad to see is that these poor aussie blokes couldnt even score there own drunk woman because they preferred the kiwi boys….

  84. Richard said

    Hey mate, Great publicity… however Is this a stab at NZ Beers? Aussie beers taste like shit though and are farkin exp….

  85. Beer Lover said

    Hey Gavin,

    A couple of Aussie beers worth trying are James Boag’s and Cascade Premium. Both very good Tassie beers but make sure you’re trying the full strength and not the lights! Also worth a mention are Coopers Pale Ale and Coopers Sparkling Ale.

  86. Jon said

    Just remember what the similarity between Aussie beer and having sex in a canoe is…

    Both fucking close to water.

    Get a Bellringers Best into you. Then FOAD.

  87. steve s said

    You are so right, our main stream beer is shit. The only stuff that is any good is from the small breweries or other “imported” beer made under license.

    Well done!

  88. Geoff said

    Although I enjoy the great debates about the differences between Australia and NZ… especially when it comes to beer. The rapier like stings coming from the “f’us” and the “up yours, ours are better” retorts never ceases to get me aroused. However, considering that Lion Nathan owns most of the beers you guys are comparing (with is now an NZ and Australian conglomerate) I can’t help thinking it is like getting angry with your own reflection…..

  89. Geoff said

    Just to give you a list of the beers owned BY THE SAME company:

    Tooheys, XXXX, Hahn, James Squire, J Boag, West end, Southwark, Swan, Emu, Speight’s Lion, Steinlager, Mac’s, Canterbury Draught, Little Creatures (40% stake), Tasman bitter…. and we can look at all the international beers you get in NZ and OZ such as Mstel, Beck’s Boddington’s Heineken they are all brewed in NZ or OZ under license to Lion Nathan.

    Ok so if you want to compare NZ and OZ beers let us limit the argument to beers brewed by Carlton and those brewed by DB.

    Carlton beers: VB, Cartlon (varieties), Melbourne bitter, crown, pure blonde.

    DB beers: Tui, DB, Export, Monteith’s, Double Brown, (also brews Erdinger, Heineken and Amstel under license)

  90. T Bone said

    Bloging is cool – say what you like – freedom of speech. I remember when people were shocked Billy T was making jokes about Maori’s. If they really don’t like NZ they will leave.

    It’s just the same for Kiwi ex pat’s. The food here is no where near as good as in Kiwi land. If your cow don’t eat grass – it don’t taste good.
    Although we move to Australia for the dollars – we go home for cheap beer and quality food – Australian restaurant quality fish n chips from your corner fish n chips shop.

    Aussies – Build some more dams. Trap some water. If you only eat what you have in Australia then you don’t know what you’ve been missing. If you have had a reheated $10/kilo steak from Pak n save in two bits of bread with kiwi butter and sauce – melts in your mouth. Aussie meat doesn’t do that on the first cooking….

    Problem with beer in Australia is the taxes. AU$60 (NZ$80) for a box of corona – in NZ you can get it for NZ$40 (AU$32). Plus the lime is so bloody expensive.

    I don’t knwo too many Aussies that take a holiday in NZ and don’t appreciate the food tastes better over there.

    Plus – biscuits taste better in NZ – why – competition. If you have competition and deregulation the food companies have to put their best stuff on the shelf. No competition in Australia – Only woolworths and coles and all the food is cold stored for far too long. Take a piece of fruit home and it’s off within 48 hours.

    I live in Australia – but NZ is home.

    And for the record – every other nation on God’s green earth thinks Australians are sheep shaggers – the only country that calls NZ sheep shaggers is Australia. Aussie’s are just deflecting.

    And to quote Eric Rush – The difference between Australians and Kiwi’s is when we were all sailing over from England – kiwi’s were allowed to walk on the top deck too, not just in chains below deck.

    And seriously – Aussie’s – if you want kiwi’s to leave get rid of the departure taxes. No kiwi can afford those. After the higher cost of beer and the bad food who can afford them. Maybe give us 2 for 1 departure fees as an incentive????

    T

  91. Kiwi in London said

    The tap beers made in new zealand are dreadful. I spent the first thirty years of my life in new zealand and loved the local drop, but after 10 years in europe, on my first trip back I discovered that the beers I had enjoyed were revoltingly sweet and had almost no “beer” taste. In point of fact NONE of theme are actualy beer at all the are either pretend larger (try a few german and dutch largers for the real thing) or pretend pale ale’s (for the real thing try England or Belguim). I’m moving back to NZ in a few years, I hope there is a good supply of european beers and largers, becuase the domestic stuff is undrinkable!

  92. Jason said

    Jeeezus guys, take it easy. Some of us Kiwis need to loosen up a little. You’re right, most of the standard ales/lagers in NZ are complete shite. I second Dan, Mike, Al and Mark – please try an Epic Pale Ale, or even better, an Epic Mayhem. Forget the website, just drink it. Damn good stuff.

  93. Kai said

    Speight’s is pretty decent. Steinlager’s all right. DB’s is okay, if there’s nothing else around.

    Monteith’s is pure awesome in a bottle, and Mac’s isn’t far behind.

    There’s some specialty beers here that are among the best I’ve had, beers like Moa and Weka. They’re pretty hops heavy as well, so you should give them a go.

    Tui is terrible. I bought a case of it when I first got hereā€¦ yeah, never again. The only beer I’ve had that tasted worse than Tui was Budweiser. Export Gold was marginally better, but nothing I’d really pay to drink.

    As for Oz beers, I like Cooper’s Ale a lot – probably one of my favourite ales. But Toohey’s tastes like arse, and Foster’s only tasted good when I was young and foolish and didn’t know any better.

  94. Syringe said

    Lifes to short to drink stink beer…..no matter where you live.

  95. Harlz said

    LMAO, the comments from anyone who can’t take a joke and have a laugh is absolute gold :)

    (Aussie from Sydney)

  96. Cookie said

    Jeez Mates, Cuz, Bro’s (whatever) instead of slagging each other off – has anyone seen the common thread here that both countries are passionate about beer and that mass produced beer is exactly that – mass produced sh#t? Both have good and bad and Chris (March 24) mate – Fosters is not a beer it is by our own admission Australia’s joke on the rest of the world. I would love to see what our blogger here has to say about Kiwi wine – as an Aussie I think it is fantastic but like everything and everywhere you get good and bad.

  97. NZLND..ER said

    Just cos aussies have kangaroos they literally think they have to put “hops” in everything!!!

  98. Matt Hobbit said

    Ha Ha Ha funny Kiwis much better than the dix you send to OZ keep up the kiwi replys very entertaining i am pissing myself

  99. sasss said

    I don’t quite know who the muppet is that runs this site but they obliviously have no idea what NZ is like. Although it is amusing that the aussies eat their national icon, blame dingos for stealing babies and bash each other in airports gosh what a great country…. guess they really are the New Americans.

  100. NZLND..ER said

    A kiwi girl at heart and like I said before, aussies like to put hops in everything, like what they did with their poor wombats, they put hops in them and got kangaroos, is that GE modified or what. They even tried to put hops in our league players by using Hop-oate, trying to use his finger to get our players to hop…….. hehehe, weell your gonner have te tie mee kanga-roo down sport and put aneether shreemp on the barbee before I dreenk weeth a bunch of sheelars and mates who think that Alcatraz is seetuated in Tazzie.

  101. Matt Hobbit said

    Cant be to bad seeing half of NZers live in OZ

  102. Robert said

    Goodness people aren’t sniping at the blog anymore, now it is generic attacks on Australians. It sounds very sad and desperate really.

  103. epicbeer said

    why is this page delivering my website so much traffic? seems pretty random since i can’t find the link on this page, and this post is totally about beer in NZ with no hops.

    seems like a lame post by someone that has no clue about what they are talking about or its just a wind up. kind of ironic really considering the availability of hoppy beer in Australia.

    Every tried an Epic Pale Ale? http://www.epicbeer.com (like i need any more traffic from this page)

  104. lolburger said

    hey, just a comment to all your anti aus beer, come to perth wa, try all our beers and you wont leave.. and the wine comment is bullshit because australia has the best wines in the world, its not because i think it, its because the stupid news likes to tell us about all the awards… oh and kiwi birds are alright to fuck until they open their mouth, oh and when you come to perth like alot of you do, please dont speak like a kiwi, you sound funny, you speak english aparantly and we’re not bros

  105. Cam said

    HAHA you gotta remember aussies claim Lion Nathan as THIER company. Anyway thank god I can get some good european beers in Aus. Kiwi beer bad enough but Aussie beer is horse piss. They do know how to pour it and could teach the kiwis a leason……. cold fresh glas for every beer anyone???

  106. Rich said

    With the exception of the hard-to-find craft beers such as Emerson’s or Blue Moon, NZ beer is at best average, at worst fizzy water. Even the dark ales are flavourless. I had a shock when I picked up a 6-pack of Tasmanian Stout (Cascade), and realised that when Australian beer has flavour compared to the kiwi stuff, there’s very little hope. I’ve even resorted to home brew in the quest for flavour, but the kits are best made with only half the water recommended otherwise they too are flavourless piss. The big conglomerates need to learn to roast some malts and add some hops. The craft beers are generally pretty good, but even they could learn a trick or two from the Germans, Czechs, or even the Brits!

  107. Rich said

    Sorry, but even the Welsh call kiwis sheep shaggers.

    The food is an interesting mix. There’s some bloody good beef (even the cheap stuff is world class), but the lamb and chicken are terrible. And what goes in the flipping sausages? After a couple of charity sizzles I decided they should be paying me to eat that stuff. Very nasty. Fruit also varies according to the export market. At present, with the world in recession, there’s some great stuff about for low prices, but before the bottom fell out of the export market all that was available was the stuff the yanks and Europeans wouldn’t buy.

    And what’s the obsession with pasteurising cheese? Blocks of brie don’t ripen, they just go hard! I’d also like some decent wholemeal or rye bread to put the cheese between.

    There’s lots of great coffee available, but the tea is crap. I have to put two bags in one mug to get anything approaching taste. PG Tips and Scarborough Fair are the best of the bunch, but even SF needs a double-bagging!

    And lastly, curry and mexican food need spice. Put some in!

  108. fushnchupsblog said

    With you all the way there Rich. Those skinless, pre-cooked sausages are some kind of weird phenomenon that I don’t think I could ever get into. But even so, for $1, I still often partake from the sausage sizzle outside Mitre 10. Go figure :-)

  109. fushnchupsblog said

    Overall, they’re very lightly hopped, which I don’t like at all, but that’s obviously the preferred taste here.

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