It helps to do your research. I arrived in Auckland and was horrified that I couldn’t buy a copy of The Age, even in the major bookstores. True story.
If you’re an Australian, it help to get a sense of perspective, and to adjust your expectations accordingly.
Not that Australia is a big country (population wise), but still, compared to NZ, it’s a friggin’ thriving metropolis.
Some facts and figures are provided below to get you started.
The Basics
New Zealand is a country of four million people and 12,529,737 (very attractive, I must say) sheep located in the Pacific Ocean.
It consists of two main islands, imaginatively names the North Island and South Island. Scientists expect the number to increase over time as continuous earthquakes shake apart each landmass*.
Main Centres
Over a quarter of the population live in Auckland, located up the top of the North Island. It’s a big soul-less horrible place really, but Sydney-siders would probably like it. Quite pretty around the harbour, but the rest consists of pretty much Queen St and then suburbs.
Auckland, pretty from afar.
The capital city, Wellington, is a little ripper of a city. It boasts the highest number of good bars and restaurants per capita than any city wordwide* (including the best friggin’ cajun joint I’ve ever patronised). However, the weather in Wellington sucks. It rains, it blows. During winter they often have to rope off the area around intersections to prevent pedestrians being blow into the middle of the road. True story.
Wellington - on a drab day, but beautiful.
In a nutshell, Wellington is to Auckland what Melbourne is to Sydney.
Also, Lord of the Rings was filmed in Wellington, how many cities can claim that?
Other major centres include Palmerston North, which is an equal mix of university students from Massey University and dairy farmers. Actually a nice little town, the CBD has some great pubs and restaurants.
Hawke’s Bay bills itself an New Zealand’s “Wine Country”, which is fair considering the bazillion wineries there. Home to lots of smug people thinking they live in “God’s Own” country (not completely unjustifiably).
View from Te Mata Peak, Napier, Hawkes Bay. Love those fault-lines!
Tarinaki has a big mountain and rains a lot. Apparently Tom Cruise’s “The Samuri” was filmed there. Can’t comment further as I haven’t actually been there.
Roturua, or “Roto-Vegas” absolutely stinks. It’s located on top of a frigging volcano, and the sulphurous stench is confronting, but I guess you’d get used to it after a while. Apparently has great mountain-biking, shall report back on that soon.
Hamilton (aka Hamil-tron) is another big-ish town. Having only driven through it once, can’t really comment.
To round out our description of the main population centres, Taupo has a big lake and is a favourite of Kiwis with holiday bachs (shacks to us Aussies). Good for fishing and waterskiing, so I’m told.
In terms of the South Island, I can’t comment too much as I’ve only visited Dunedin for a few days, and came home with webbed feet. Home to Speight’s brewery and was settled by Scots. Probably nice to visit, but buggered if I’d live there.
That’ll do for now, more info from the front line coming soon.
* All facts and figures completely fabricated.
BC said
Great site guys, couldn’t agree more with some of your comments. 66% (those not in Auckland) of all Kiwis would agree with them and would prefer if a major earthquake would separate Auckland from the rest and let it float away.
But head south, the further south the better.
Roger Harper said
You could not buy a copy of the Age? Shock, horror, probe and consternation. Did you forget you had actually left Australia you poor deprived thing. Why on earth would we sell the Age here anyway? There would only be one buyer for it here and he would probably complain because it was a day old. Maybe you could read in on the INTERNET. Or….. MOVE back to Australia and you can read it whenever you wished. You should really have a good, no I mean GOOD look around Auckland if you pop by again, there is more to it than downtown, and a few suburbs. Try opening your other eye if you can.
Supasuz said
Yeah, Auckland sucks. And Rotorua stinks. But equally, Hawkes Bay looks cool (as a Kiwi I am hoping to get there soon) and I LOVE Wellington. I’m from Christchuch BTW, a bit boring here, but its a good little city and WAY better than Auckland! Contact me if you are down here and I’ll steer you to some good coffee places.
Honi said
What a bloody shame that you survived SH5 , next time keep on biking to tasmania
Wayne Kennett said
I totally agree, Auckland has changed alot over the recent years, Its hard to believe your actually in New Zealand when you walk down Queen Street these days. The majority of people that occupy central Auckland now are animals they spit on the pavement they have no manners at all, they push in, think they own the place and it seems most of them are criminal P importers or dealers that cut each other up. I cant see why anyone would want to come here. your being a bit harsh on Roto Vegas though, I think that place is amazing its a natural wonder.
Mark Graham said
Auckland is great. There are crap people in every city in the world but if you’re in Auckland you should take a ferry ride through the Harbour to Waiheke Island, travel out to Piha and explore the West Coast beaches, wander around High St district, take coffee in Ponsonby, hang out at Parnell Baths on a gorgeous Saturday morning, walk the coast from Takapuna to Milford and back, climb North Head and explore the tunnels, rollerblade Tamaki Dr, hang out at a George FM free afternoon concert in one of our beautiful parks.
Auckland has a soul – it’s just that it’s still growing into it.
It’s the best city in the world in 15 years time, and it’s bloody good right now. Contact me and let me show you around.
Stan Pierce said
Not been to Auckland since 1953 so It’s intersting me to see comments about it. It was lovely to see it from a ship rolling out in the bay waiting for a pilot after 31 days at sea. Very picturesque.
We tied up with the bow pointing straight up Queen st. and just had to walk down the gangway and out into the street. The girls were sitting on the post office steps waiting for their boyfriends carrying gifts from England.
Mario Lanza was on at the cinema just past Curry’s Milkbar up on the left past the post office, and quite a few of us made for it. Went into Curry’s Milkbar and ordered a strawberry milkshake, looked up and found myself standing next to another sailor I went to school with 12.000 miles away. Small world.
figjam said
Couldnt agree more about Auckland. Thought i landed in samoa or fiji when i landed there. Very ordinary place much like sydney. On the other hand WEllington was a great place and i would live there in a heartbeat.
ed said
I like your site, I’m a kiwi, and you have balls! I spent xmas in Auckland (howick) and I really agree with you, Auckland is pretty souless, Howick is a big crap!
If you read the website stuff, there are always articles on how Auckland compares its self to Wellington, the latest claims its the cultural capital. http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/1752215
Wellington, the best response is no response, let the insecure big brother huff and puff.
Orewa is nice though!
I hope you enjoy your time here.
Kai said
LOL, I so agree. Auckland is absolutely soul-less to me as well. Wellington rocks though, awesome place to live and move to. :)
Steven Marshall said
I suppose there’s always parochial rivalry between cities, but the fact is that Aucklanders’ attitudes to the rest of NZ are like Australians’ attitudes to NZ – a general disinterest. Most negative comments here seem to be about the immigrant population, which is fairly typical from an older bunch or those from “whiter NZ”, ie, anything south. In reality, the immigrant population gives Auckland a vibrancy that no other city in New Zealand has. Combined with the absolutely beautiful harbour and warm climate, Auckland offers the package whereas the likes of Wellington, where I live, still have the late-80s, shut-shop-by-3-on-a-Sunday feel.
Wellington is deceptive – it’s largely white and it’s culture is based around this. You know, ballet, opera, theatre and so on, all after decades of underfunding of Auckland. So Auckland has had to do it for itself and is unique as a result. Yes it has endless suburbs but it is also increadibly green with fantastic parks and tree lined streets, industrious (it doesn’t rely on overpaid bureaucrats), cosmopolitan and entertaining, with the climate to boot. The weather will always let Wellington down, but so to do the locals and their bizarre inferiority complex and the latent racism you find (Auckland has too many “spitters” – you mean, Asians right?)
I think Aucklanders wouldn’t mind if they floated off from the rest of the country, but throw in the Coromandel too so they have somewhere to go in the Summer aside from Northland.
Andreia said
Hi I totally agree with Mark Graham’s comment. There’s much more to Auckland than Queen St. Make sure you visit the places he suggested.
Lisa said
Having lived in Auckland all my life, i have to agree that it is pretty soul less – this ihad never thought about before until we went to Sydney for a week. The reason that this story sparked my interest was the comment you made about Auckland being soul less. After just a few days in Sydney i turned to my partner and said the exact same thing. I have had a good old read of your site today and have to say that New zealand as a whole is soul less, for the most part people are unfriendly and bloody rude. I have to admit that i have a sharp tongue but it is only reserved for Wankers and ignorant people. My dosn’t that sum NZers up on the whole – I loved Australia and it was the best feeling to be in a country that felt alive. Bloody brilliant keep it up
Suze Vermeer said
Could you please correct the title of your blog? The opening inverted comma is the wrong way around. It should be fush “n” chups. The inverted commas are there to indicate that there is a letter missing.
Suze Vermeer said
Damn, the typeface won’t make the inverted commas go around the right way! But you get my drift.
Jess said
Okay… so, after reading an article about your blog I thought I’d read it for my self and give you a piece of my mind…. however, as papers do, they lie or should I say omit things to skew the actual contexts of your blog and I found myself laughing and nodding along.
What’s wrong with telling a few home truths. KIWIS, STOP CUTTING THE TALL POPPIES DOWN!
Peace:)
N W said
Hi, I am Australian in early 30s and living in New Zealand. I moved from Sydney and now I live in Tauranga. I must say that everywhere have advantages, and disadvantages. I have been travelling around the country more than in Australia. I have been to the top as furthest as Whangerei and the southest as Invercargill. For me, New Zealand has a very peaceful unique essence and I have received a very warm welcome here. There is not much barriers between the natives and the settlers and that impress me most. You can ask our seniors citizens around the world who move to live in Papamoa. They have been there and done that more than us and I am sure there is something very special about New Zealand. I used to complain of how quiet it is comparing to Sydney but now I love to live here forever.
Thank you for reading. xx
Dave from Oz said
Hi there FushNChups,
You are sooo needed here in NZ, and hopefully your refreshing voices of reason may be heard above the endless din of banjos and rifles.
You are totally right about Auckland. Horrible high-pressure frankencity with absolutely no soul. Even Sydney has a soul, plus equally or more beautiful harbours and beaches.
One thing though I must say in NZ’s defense – after growing up in Aus, then living here for 10 years, then briefly visiting Aus again, I notice a much greater sense of freedom here. In Aus there’s this ignorant authoritarian punishing streak, much like DH Lawrence wrote about in his novel Kangaroo. In NZ, it’s largely ‘live and let live’ while in Aus there’s much more of a sense of ‘tax it, ban it or burn it’.
Tara said
It’s Taranaki and it doesn’t rain that much. Honest!
Andrew said
Auckland’s probably a nice place to live and is a rubbish place to visit. Downtown is a soulless void. That’s a fact, as much as any opinion can be fact. But by comparison with cities around the world (coz there is a world beyond NZ) Auckland is a boring place. And to emphasis that point, some of the places cited as brilliant (Piha and Waiheke) are, in my view, near Auckland but not in Auckland.
If you’re a tourist turning up in the middle of town, as tourist the world over do, you’ll be bored to death in about 10 minutes.
If, on the other hand, you live there, working Monday to Friday, then hanging out in Parnell Baths at the weekend is probably great. Heading out onto the harbour after work is something that the dwellers of most big cities can only dream of. I think the point is, Auckland is a great place to live; it has a great quality of life, but the vibrant things that tourists look for are not the same things that make a city a great placet to live in and bring kids up in.
I’d live in Auckland. Every time I come visiting NZ I avoid it like the plague.
And Honi, get a grip.
Kat said
Thanks NW for leaving such positive comment about NZ. I’ve only been to the South Island once and was impressed by the scenery and the people.
In saying that, it’s fun reading everybody’s comments – this is why I think the Aussies and the Kiwis are the funniest people in the world. Keep it up guys. This blog has made my day :)
Ross Elliot said
The North Island is an off shore island of New Zealand, one we could do without.
MJ said
While your blog is funny some of your supposed “true story” are total shit. Sure it can blow and rain in Wellington but they do not rope of intersections, so say something like that for a joke but don’t add true story afterwards just makes you look dumb not funny. also LOTR wasn’t exactly filmed in Welly but the studios are.
trouble said
your alright mate! palmerston north is the most care free laid back , mind your own bizness , sit back have a beer town in NZ!!! fair suck on a sav mayte! im serious!!! seen the tui ads on tv?? all palmy girls them hotties! yeah right!
Simone said
Oh my god,
love your website. I am a Kiwi living in Cairns and quite agree with you about Auckland. In fact we run a hostel in Cairns and are always telling backpackers to hire a car and visit real NZ not Auckland. Check out the Coromandel and Bay of Plenty though. Beautiful and no bloody crocs.
NikNZ said
Classic! I have to say I find your blog quite funny, I’m a kiwi and absolutely love NZ, however I do think we take ourselves far too seriously, lighten up people! Enough of the small country syndrome there’s a whole wide world out there. New Zealanders can be so painful even with national rivalry let alone NZ/OZ rivalry – I find it hilarious how some of your observations are so bang on the money, you must have such a laugh at the reactions you get even when it’s so obvious you’re baiting for it! Cracks me up how wound up people are getting, truth hurts I guess. Ha! Thanks for the giggle!
Jeremy said
hahahaha, this is so funny and true. I’m a Kiwi living overseas, I love my country, but can’t go for the blind patriots/ Ozzie grudge bitness that Kiwis insist so often on lugging around with them. yes, lots of things in NZ are crap! Auckland is indeed soulless. but many things about NZ are pretty damn good too and that’s probably why you’ve moved there..? wish us Kiwis would have more of a sense of humour about our size/weather/whatever.
if it all gets too much, move to Wellington. the weather is awful but the vibes there are like nowhere else. smart, funny city.
keep blogging and forget the whingers! (whun-gers?)
sunny side up said
All honesty is welcome. Well done. I dont say this outta spite but tall poppy ans we will pee in our pants is detrimental to a scenic country. Mind you I have not been to Oz and I have heard horrid things about oz so you are right…nz can be frustrating
Matt said
As suspected, the Herald has blown this very amusing site right out of proportion. As a Kiwi and an Aucklander, I don’t find your blogs at all offensive – unlike some of the Auckland hating Kiwi’s who have left comments. Funny they never say things like this to your face.
I’m leaving Auckland next month possibly forever, and I know I will miss it terribly. If Auckland truely had no soul, I’d not think twice about it.
Duncan said
Hi If you think Auckland’s souless you should come down to Blenheim. The town that time forgot. Hardly any shops open on Sunday, not much for families to do and the worst drivers in NZ. There’s even a round-about with a railway line going through the middle
of it. Good on you for injecting a bit of humour into people’s life with your web-site. If that’s the only thing people have to moan about they must have pretty boring lives.
Gregg said
Auckland is great, a united nations of color and different cultures and try the seaside suburb of Devonport, it’s a REFRESHING break from the hustle of Auckland city just over yonder there.
And I have to disagree strongly with ed above there,
Wellington is shit, overrated and fill of Feminists! I’ve done business there many times but always want to get back to Auckland asap, Wellington is too political and chilly wind for me.
Auckland is the unofficial capital of NZ, just don’t tell anyone. :D
Tim said
I had the same problem trying to find a copy of The Press in Sydney.