Archive for March, 2009

Pack the bandanas Jesse

Well, the Fush ‘n’ Chups readers have spoken.

Should Jesse Ryder defect to Australia?

Yes – 40%

No – 29%

I like bandanas, you pruck! – 31%

A few people seem to want Jesse Ryder to stay in NZ, but this is a democracy, and the majority agree with my most excellent suggestion, along with a few weirdos who are into cotton headgear.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Jesse will make the move, but with a big suitcase full of bandanas.

I think I can live with this. I mean, Funky Miller had died blue hair there for a while, which really clashed with the baggy green. And he won the Aussie Test cricketer of the year.

I might even organise a Fush’n'Chups endorsed bandana for the big fella. What more incentive could he ask for?

Welcome aboard Jesse.

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“Pathetically rude” skit in New Zealanders’ sitcom

Well.

I don’t know what to say.

These comments do nothing to help our two countries relate.

I mean, honestly.

Isn’t it about time New Zealand started to take Australia seriously?

I note that these “Conchords” guys are from Wellington, the butt of all weather-related jokes in NZ (apologies to Dunedin).

What are they doing getting their giggles at the expense of poor old Keith-a?

Personally, I’m just outraged.

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Mountain Biking: Rotorua

As I posted before, we took a trip to Rotorua a few weekends ago to check out the mountain bike park. The drive was a bit treacherous at times, but well worth it.

Arrived there after lunch on the Saturday, and the car-park in Mill Rd was completely full of cars. Would have been 70+ at a conservative estimate.

Something told me this was just a tad bigger than Eskdale.

There were busses towing bike trailers, and a bike hire crew set up on site with about 50+ bikes available.

There were dudes in full-on body armour and friggin’ motorcross helmets, and little kids that must have been riding almost $1000 worth of kit.

Told you Kiwis take their outdoor sports seriously.

Happy to report there wasn’t too much lycra to be seen, just the odd person here and there. Probably Aucklanders. I didn’t get close enough to see if they’d shaved their legs.

We checked out two of the tracks over the weekend. Rode one twice and the other just the once.

Creek Track

First one we tackled was the Creek Track. I can’t recommend it highly enough, it has a bit of everything. A few climbs, some great faster sections, and enough technical parts to keep you on your toes.

Only came to grief once on a bit of a tricky drop where I chickened out halfway down. The kids riding past giggling just after me wasn’t exactly ego-boosting, but hey, it was my first time there.

Dipper

On the second day we started by trying out Dipper.

Holy shit, how much fun is this track. Only a few little climbs, it feels as though you almost hardly have to pedal.

And the berms! Oh the glorious berms! They let you take the corners absolutely flat out.

Brakes are another thing you don’t need too much of on Dipper.

Happy to report I didn’t get laughed at by any kiddies this time.

Finished off by going ’round Creek again to end a top couple of days of riding.

Highly recommend this place to anyone hankering for a good fun ride. We didn’t even scratch the surface of the park on our visit, but it caters for beginners through to the experts. Christ knows where the guy in the body armour was heading, but it wouldn’t have been the kiddie’s track.

Only thing I would recommend would be that you drop $5 on a map at any of the local bike shops. There are so many tracks there, and they intersect quite a bit, and it’s pretty easy to get confused as to where you are and where to go next.

Whoever’s responsible for building and maintaining the tracks, you deserve a friggin’ medal. Consider yourselves Fush’n'Chups honourary Australians.

Shall definitely visit again, so if you guys have any suggestions as to what tracks to tackle next, leave a comment below.

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The Chups 2.0

That’s right folks, Fush ‘n’ Chups has gone all web 2.0.

Apparently the kiddies are into it, or something.

Join the Facebook group or follow the site on Twitter.

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We’ll have you, Jesse

Too fat they said. BMI too high. Drinks too much. Has difficulties using the handle on the toilet door late at night.

Well look who’s smashed the Indian attack to all corners of the park and scored himself a big fat double ton, before running out of puff.

That’s right, the much-maligned Jesse Ryder.

BTW, Khan, Sharma, and Harbajan Singh aren’t exactly pie chuckers. This was a magnificent effort.

Alas, when he got to 201, after eight hours at the crease, he decided he couldn’t be buggered going on, and promptly returned to the sheds to rehydrate.

What an innings.

What a statement.

Where’s the criticism now? I’m looking at you, Adam Parore.

It got me to thinking, has Jesse done an OE? Would he perhaps like to ply his trade somewhere overseas for a while?

If you ignore those funny little bandanas he likes so much, he’s really a cricketer in the greatest of Aussie traditions: slightly overweight and can murder a beer.

Examples include Merv Hughes, Shane Warne, and the greatest of them all, David Boon. More recently, the Aussie team hasn’t been the same since Darren Lehmann left the scene.

Give me these blokes over your modern-day media-managed calorie-counting tea-totalitarianist uber-professionals any day I say.

Couldn’t see any of them sinking 52 tinnies on the flight between Sydney and Heathrow before casually plundering the Poms, a la Boonie.

Jesse, New Zealand cricket does not deserve your services, after the shabby way you’ve been treated. They didn’t recognise your talent, they banned you for a mishap with the toilet door, but now they’re more than happy to let you score the bulk of the runs (apologies to Ross Taylor). You could provide just the thing the Aussie team is missing.

You’d only have to move across, get a few half-decent scores for a while in Shield cricket until you were eligible, and then just as Ricky Ponting retires, slot in at first drop. Who knows, your wobbly little medium pacers could even come in handy.

I know it’d be taking a step down to a lower level for a bit until representing Aus, but just think, you wouldn’t have to wear those silly new stormtrooper-style uniforms they’re making you wear ever again.

Think about it.

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Kia Ora!

Gee haven’t I generated some traffic.

Hello to everyone. I’m slightly aghast that my humble, and very tongue-in-cheek little blog could get such a reaction.

To the Kiwis reading this: Don’t take it to heart, I seriously love you guys. But you really need to work on your sense of humour. It’s a piss-take, alright?

To Australians: Everything I’ve said is true.

The comments are getting a wee bit aggressive for my liking, so I’m going to turn them off for now.

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New Trail @ Eskdale

Took a detour onto a new trail yesterday out at the Eskdale park. Headed off Boulder onto Thistle as we had before, then at the top of Thistle went through the gate onto Lower Maggog, which runs parallel to the downhill part of Thistle.

However, Maggog isn’t just a straight downhill run, there are many more tricky parts that you have to navigate at slow speed. A few drops and twisty-turny bits, and a couple of steep sections that prompted the wife to cautiously push the bike down :)

In short, heaps of fun.

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You forgot the hops, bro.

An open letter to all New Zealand Breweries.

Dear Brewers,

There are four ingredients in beer: water, malted barley, hops, and yeast.

Sure, some of you, especially the bigger operations, probably add a whole bunch of preservatives and other additives that I’d rather remain ignorant of, but basic beer brewing requires just those four things.

Water, malted barley, hops, and yeast.

Notice anything?

No? Then let me point it out to you.

HOPS.

Please use some.

Regards,

Fush ‘n’ Chups Admin

NZ beer reviews coming soon.

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Mountain Biking: Eskdale

One thing about New Zealanders is that they love their outdoor activities. Sports, exercise, I’d say they would have to definitely be above average worldwide in terms of the importance they place on keeping healthy and staying fit.

In one way or another (probably a combination of osmosis, shame, and a realisation of how unfit we were) this has prompted us to take up mountain biking.

For someone previously completely unfit, I am now showing signs of developing actual muscles in my legs. True story.

NZ has some seriously impressive areas of land set aside for mountain bike parks, not least of which is my local, the Eskdale Mountain Bike Park.

Top of the Thistle trail.

Top of the Thistle trail.

It consists of around 300 hectares of forestry land, with about 75km of purpose built biking trails, ranging from nice-and-easy beginners’ circuits through to hardcore downhill sections.

So far we’ve tackled the gentler parts of the park that don’t involve (too many) climbs, so I’ll give an overview of th tracks we’ve ridden below.

Pace

A hugely fun course, consisting of fast smooth bits, some slower, rougher, more technical bits, and one bastard of a dip that I just can’t get across properly. Definitely our favourite.

A dip on Pace.

A dip on Pace.

Merv’s

A nice fun ride. Can do it pretty quickly, but you have to be careful of the sections where you need to dodge narrow gaps between trees or take the odd sharp corner.

Boulder

A lot more challenging, has a few more climbs and also some pretty demanding descents. Also part of the track you are on the side of a pretty steep hill that you definitely do not want to fall down. Brilliant fun.

Sandpit

A longer easy ride, takes you almost the length of the lower part of the park. Great one for beginners, or cross country riders.

Thistle

A good fun up-and-down track. Branches off Boulder, involved a bit of a climb, followed by a flat-out descent down towards the end of Merv’s track. Not as fun as Boulder or Pace, but worth doing.

Bottom of the Thistle trail.

Bottom of the Thistle trail.

Shall keep you updated as we tackle more tracks. Need to build up the old legs a bit before having a crack at some of the more challenging tracks though!

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I survived the SH5

As I posted previously, we went to Rotura over the last weekend.

A quick summary of the drive there and back:

Time: just under 4 hours each way, including a leisurely lunch in Taupo.

Distance: approx 240 km, one way.

Conditions: Fine and dry.

Number of times overtaken by a a fellow motorist who couldn’t handle me only doing the speed limit: about 30.

Number of times this happened when approaching a blind corner or crest: at least 10.

Number of times this happened when the overtaker was heading in my direction and I momentarily feared for my life: twice.

Also found out today that NZ law makes it possible for kids aged only fifteen-and-a-half to obtain a restricted drivers’ license and therefore drive unacompanied by an adult.

Buckle up people.

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